Daily Practice

This daily practice of blogging has been an interesting experience. Mostly it's fun, but sometimes it's a challenge to come up with something to say. On the days when I draw a blank, I often end up with a longer post than usual. Either that means I get long-winded when I'm at loss for a topic or it means that having to search for a topic makes my posts deeper and more thoughtful. I'd like to think it was the latter. That sounds more Zen.

Speaking of Zen, I probably should meditate to quiet my anxious thoughts. Sometimes that doesn't work. In my late twenties I accompanied my boyfriend to a Buddhist retreat center. We did sitting practice all day long. We did take breaks for meals and work duty, but for the rest of the time we sat cross-legged on our zafus, our palms open. My boyfriend sat with his spine erect, his face calm and contemplative. I don't know what he was actually experiencing, but he was the image of a young Buddha: serene, peaceful and filled with loving kindness. I, on the other hand, was sulky and restless. I constantly squirmed around on my cushion and made frequent trips to the bathroom. The bathroom was an outhouse. Summer in the Colorado mountains, squatting on the toilet as I meditated on a fly crawling up the wall; that's probably as enlightened as I got.